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July 2nd 2010 Tim Candler

When a wandering hound lifts its
leg to a Candy Roaster growing innocently outside the fence, it's time to
ask how the ancients might have responded. My own reaction
was to jump up and down yelling in what I thought was a ferocious
way. Then the wretched creature wagged its floppy tail, and
continued to do so as I chased him with a hose pipe.
In the end I was able to
discourage this hound by beating the lid of the big pot that lives
beside the outdoor stove. The noise of it still rings in my ears,
and I am exhausted from running around in the sun without my hat.
And my voice hurts from shouting obscenities at dog-kind and dog people
generally and that whole kingdom of bloody pet-dom.
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Pretty certain members of the Cherokee Nation would
have eaten meat tonight. Little boys would have been stationed
in the bushes beside their Candy Roaster grove, bow and arrow at the ready.
Silently they would wait, and oh for a simpler time and good eyesight.
It's the collar on a dog that means it belongs, apparently.
Odd to think that this time last week I
wasn't here. God knows what has been going on that this hound
should wander around in so impolite a manner. Nor is the Grey
Cat of much use, because something with front teeth has been eating the
carrots.

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